The past 8 months have been crazy. I got married to my adorable husband, and life has just kept blazing down it's usual chaotic trail. It's strange, I feel like my brain has made a shift as to where I hold my stress. Before I got married (which was a respectfully long time-span in my short-ish life), it was all based on my relationship status. "Who cares if school is stressful? I can deal with it! Who cares if my boss is a jerk sometimes, I just know that if I had that special someone to come home to at night, I wouldn't even care!"
Naive or not, that's what I believed. Now, to defend that former cute-naive self, I think there is truth in those thoughts. Now that I am happily married, that worry mechanism in my brain about finding love really has turned off. I have found relationship contentment in my Sean, and I'm excited by the prospect of working to make our relationship better for the rest of forever. So happy girl, is the stress gone? Sorry... no. It's like my brain is so used to being worried about something, that it's not going to sit down and take contentment quietly.
I'm blogging mostly in an attempt to sort out my thoughts, so here is the situation: The workplace stresses me out! I feel like in order to be a real adult, you're supposed to have this drive and determination to get to the top that I honestly don't have with my yellow fun-loving let's-all-just-be-friends mentality. Life really does "get real" as they say once you are no longer a single entity. Families really do need to be provided for. This takes a certain amount of money every month, this takes energy and commitment, and it takes mental stability so that you can emotionally support the people you love. While trying to do this, so is EVERYONE else. We live in a competitive world, and even if our cute little families are so small, the world is so big.
So someone tell me please, is there a job out there that let's you do something you're good at, that you enjoy, with people who are going to respect you? And also at the same time, is there a job that calculates for human error? I have always desired to do my best, but some days my best is better than others. I don't think we want to admit our flaws as a human race, but boy do they exist! We get tired, spaced out, hungry, achy, emotional, and sometimes lose motivation (not all the time of course, but these things happen once in a while).
Some of you or all of you might say "Well yeah, this is pretty common, most people hate their jobs" But here is the thing with me, I never did until I started my career, and it got even harder after I got married. Is there a link? Maybe, I don't know.
To end this on a positive note, I believe that life with always throw you curves and challenges, but generally speaking, God wants us to live happy productive lives, and if we work hard and have faith, then he will provide a way for us to do that. I just need to find the strength to hold up my end of the deal, even on days when I am so painfully human. So as the chinese would say Jia You (add oil!).
